My mother needs prayers.

She has been in the hospital since mid-June because she lost almost all feeling in her left leg, and she was burning up on the inside.  She has already been through so much pain, and for this stuff to be happening to her, I….just….. I don’t know…. I don’t know what to do.  My faith is very much underwater right now because of this. I want to keep it and at the same time I want to become an atheist. This thought scares me. We all thought she was getting better for a while but then she started feeling terrible again….ugh. Please just pray for everyone involved with her situation and that she recovers from everything that has happened to her in the past few weeks.

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I never posted about Clare here so I will do that now. We’ve had this sweet puppy for just about 2 months (adopted on March 27th), and she is a 10-month-old beagle mix. She loves to run and get belly rubs! Clare also enjoys car rides and is very well-behaved during them. (for the most part) She still has a couple issues to work on– biting & pulling — but she’s learning! Although I have always been (and probably will always be) a cat person, I am so grateful that we’ve finally been able to get a dog!

For Those Who Hurt On Mother’s Day

Just a week ago, my grandmother passed away and 2 days ago was her funeral….both of my grandmothers are gone now, and I was so close to both of them. My heart aches for those who have lost their mothers or have broken relationships with them. May our Father in heaven give them the peace and the strength to get through this day (and all others). ❤

john pavlovitz

Tear

Today is Mother’s Day.

For many people that means flowers and handmade cards and brunches and hugs and laughter. It means celebration and gratitude and rejoicing.

But for some it just means tears.

For many moms and adult children out there, this day is a stark unsolicited reminder of what was but no longer is, or it is a heavy holiday of mourning what never was at all.

This day might bring with it the scalding sting of grief for the empty chair around a table.

It might come with choking regret for a relationship that has been horribly severed.

It might be a day of looking around at other mothers and other children, and feeling the unwelcome intrusion of jealousy that comes with comparison.

Consider this a love letter to you who are struggling today; you whose Mother’s Day experience might be rather bittersweet— or perhaps only bitter.

This is consent to feel fully the contents of your own heart…

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Lost

Tears threaten to flow.

She doesn’t want it to show.

Where is he?

Where is she? Of course it’s there, they just don’t know.

Wherever they may be, whatever may be, whatever may show up soon to know.

Be by my side, don’t let me cease…..let me cease to be alone…..

Two friends holding each other, cute as can be. Let them be apart for a while.

Is this real or is it magic?

Is it truth or just so tragic?

The heartbroken she be, never leave me be.

Be alone for a while so you’ll never smile. Never be alone so you can figure it on your own.

The tears are flowing freely now, because she knows that it’ll never happen.

Heartbroken of the heartbreakers.

She will never be loved as truly as Jesus loves her.

My baby…..

Why did you have to go?

It was all in a dream 

But

I didn’t let go….

Nor did I want to see

What was right in front of me

Our eyes open to the west

For front or to the best

Eyes open wide As far as you can see

Everyone’s here, everyone

but 

me.

The flames of life burned bright today,

Licking up the streets as they passed over the rubble road.

The bridge to eternity will be crossed by many that bore witness to the heat of this fire.

Never again will satan win this round of shock, for his ways are desperate and ours full of joy.

Light illuminates darkness, just as love eliminates hatred.

Let the flames blaze on.

Dynamite thunder breaks apart the concrete.

A giant fan rearranges my heart into pieces of grass on the wooden-brown floor.

What shattered tears may fall along the way as

I come to stay and never play.

Is it good to cry, to feel sorrow for what I’ve done,

Or is it evil? No, he hasn’t won.

Not yet anyway, and he never will

For the Highest of Kings went upon that hill.

From thence he shall come again

To take away my sin.

Hallelujah to the King of kings!

He has conquered death for us today,

For the ones who have always loved Him

As well as those who’ve gone astray.

If you’re falling down He’ll lift you up;

All you need is to drink from His cup.

His promises will never be broken,

For he hears our tears both shed and unspoken.

Daily Prompt: If I Could Turn Back Time

There are so many periods of my life that I’d love to return to, but if I could turn back time, I would most likely go back to my elementary school days. Those were some of the best years of my life. I know it’s cliche but things were simpler then; I also didn’t really appreciate what I had. My family was closer during those years as well and I would love to experience that again.

I dreamt about Jacob last night. He was sleeping, but he was alive. He was a little boy lying in a hospital bed and I loved seeing him there. I have mixed feelings about these types of dreams because on one hand it’s great to reunite with him and Grandma in my dreams but on the other hand, I know it was only in my mind when I wake up and I get depressed about it.

The good feeling often wins though. If there was any way to make these types of dreams feel any more realistic than they already are. I would do it in a heartbeat. Everyone deserves to see their lost loved ones again, even if it’s just in their sleep.

 

If you were to ask me who I looked up to, I would have to say Nichole337. Why?

She is a major victim of bullying and yet she manages to keep a smile on her face. This has been going on ever since she posted her first video on Youtube in 2008 of her singing “Should’ve Said No” by Taylor Swift. It wasn’t the best cover, and Nichole had a major overbite up until 2 years ago. She also has Asperger’s Syndrome, which is a mild form of autism. These 3 traits combined don’t make for a good internet life if you put yourself out there. (I’m not saying she should stop what she’s doing; it’s just the unfortunate truth.) Everyday she posts something on one of her multiple social networking accounts and everyday, she gets made fun of for either her appearance or her behavior.

In October of 2012 Nicole had an operation for her jaw, not because of all the bullying, but because she needed it to breathe easier. Unfortunately there have been millions of people who don’t realize this and reprimand her for supposedly getting cosmetic surgery to get rid of the bullies. She has even made a video about it. She has also gotten so much better at singing over the years but unfortunately there are still people from the old Nichole days who still get their kicks out of pushing her down (or trying to, at least). There will always be evil people who try to hurt us but this girl is a great example of how we should deal with them.

Thank you for doing what you do, Nichole. You are a shining light in this dark world and you deserve the very best that this world has to offer you.

When the world grows black and you’re all alone,

Just gaze upon the King at his throne.

Whatever shall you ask of him,

He shall give reply.

Never will he forsake you,

Nor he pass you by.

We must grow our comfort of

The things which are unknown.

If you pray then never say

That all you do is groan.

A grandma’s tear is all we need

To go out and begin to feed

Our sheep which long for deeper love,

For what is Him, our King above.

Nailed

Driven into the wood

I sigh

Only now do I wince

and externally cry.

If only there was some way to escape this,

Surely there must be.

The One who did this first

did it just for me.

My nails press down into my flesh,

piercing without bloodflow.

Suddenly it is over

and I can finally go.

We see that I can once again walk.

But it doesn’t come easy, for still I am like a stalk.

Shucked without mercy, my hands I see,

are still one with the nails

that tore right through me.

The wood is a heavy burden on my chest

Forcing me to heave with never a rest.

How can this be, oh great teacher?

Please give an answer

to this small beseecher.

Flushed horrors of the windowsill last,

Windows raising in the times of our cast.

Revealing honor and glory to those who’ve gone by

the faded shadows of G.A.’s body sigh.

If you want to surprise the stoic who

never shows emotion, that’s up to you.

But just be aware that in history’s attempts

Never once was there a loser who 

complained about the fence.

The 5-story-high structure is bound to be succeeded by

One who is even more impossible to try.

What have you got to say, my friends?

This story of jumping hurdles never ends.

Good night.

Dearest Rocky,

I hope you’re with God now. 

All we know is that your pain and suffering is over, 

And that ours has just begun.

Some don’t consider pets as family,

But to me you certainly were one.

It’s so hard to not feel your absence

Especially since you strived to make your presence known.

It must have frightened you to enter that hospital,

Feeling like you were all alone.

The saddest part of all, you see,

is that you didn’t show it to them or me.

You were so unlike yourself today, my brother.

Of course…today was a day unlike any other.

Many tears were shed for you on this icy winter day.

Good night my dearest kitty;

hopefully we will meet again someday.

Shining Light

The music of times past

The rhythm of years passed

Oh no longer will we be

The sons and daughters of Adam and Eve.

Whatever shall we say

On that glorious, moonlit day

When all will be done, 

The battles fought, our wars won?

Will we cry out to the Lord

Or will we speak of our own accord?

Not much longer will we ask,

“Can I have a meal or two

To save up for the bask?”

The time for crying is over and done,

The years of laborious labor are coming to an end.

The one who has saved us, He will once again send.

Mob

Mobs rush to face the front lines

Victors win right unwanted for base chides

Dancing on the stars, scratching away the moon.

Exhilaration vanished away by the faults of other balms

They wash away the love of loss, snuffing like baboons.