Crown of Thorns

This was a vision I had back in 2018. It happened around the time that Kavanaugh was accused of sexual assault, which I find very interesting considering everything I have dealt with over the years regarding sexuality.

“I had a vision a few days ago (9-27[28?], 2018) that a crown of thorns was being shoved down onto my head, somehow all the way to my mouth. My lower lip was pulled down from the force of it. Soon after this, I started having trouble praying and it was very physical, to the point where I didn’t want to say certain prayers around others for fear of disturbing them with what was going on. Every time I really tried to pray a Catholic prayer such as the Hail Mary or Our Father, I got a very bad reaction physically. It was like someone was throwing a temper tantrum because of what I was saying!!

A few minutes prior to this, I was able to pray the Hail Mary, but not without feeling like someone was attempting to shove that crown of thorns down onto me. It got worse every time I tried.”

Advertisement

My Visions

I hardly ever post here anymore, but that will hopefully change soon. It feels like I’m always saying that but with all the weird/difficult things going on in my life I really want to start posting here again. I’m going to start today by posting a vision I had a few years ago. For context, I’ve been having these visions for quite a while….they started around 2013, and they start up again whenever I really get back into my faith. I don’t believe that’s a coincidence. Not sure if these are actually visions but that’s the best way to describe them. A lot of these images end up being relevant later on as well, so….yeah.

I’ve really wanted to share these for a while but wasn’t sure if I should or not. This uncertainty has been a nagging feeling lately so some of these will be publicized as I see fit.

I do not declare myself to be a prophet, a saint, or anything like that. These are simply my experiences as I remember them. As I wrote them down. Please understand that I am trying my best to understand everything that has happened to me over these past few years….this probably doesn’t make sense at the moment but when I start posting more about my experiences, you will know why I said this.

(This first vision was written on October 25, 2018)

The other night when I was laying in bed, I saw a sword come out of Padre Pio’s mouth. I grabbed it and then a giant red dragon (like the oriental kind) started coming towards me. I attempted to fight it off with the sword but it never actually attacked me. The dragon slithered around like it was trying to attack but it never happened. It was like the dragon was on a leash or something!

New House And An Old Friend

This week Dustin and I will finally be moving into our new house, which we were hoping would happen near the end of November. Better late than never, I guess! We slept there Sunday night and last night, which was nice. I’ll have to take some pictures to post here later on. We actually live just a road over from my parents now which will be very convenient when we drop our child off over there or if they have to pick us up for whatever reason. I love that we’re all living in the neighborhood I grew up in now, too!

Tomorrow we will be going to a visitation/funeral for my mom’s best friend Kim….she unexpectedly passed away last year in November but her husband was struggling for a while to get everything together that he needed to have a proper service for her. I can’t believe she died the year after my mom did….I hope they’re both happy now. ❤️💔 We had just started planning my baby shower when she passed away so now I’m going to have to figure out what I’m going to do for that. It’ll work out….I’m sure it will.

Oh, yeah….in about two weeks Dustin and I will finally get to find out the gender of our baby!! I’m so excited!! 😄 We’re not going to do a gender reveal party or anything but we are planning on getting a cake when we find out. I also bought a fetal doppler this past weekend since 1.) I always worry about not being able to hear the baby’s heartbeat at my appointments, and 2.) Because of the pandemic Dustin hasn’t been able to come with me and hear the baby’s heartbeat. I really hope this works because I want to stop worrying about the baby so much!!

I guess that’s about it for now…have a great day! ☺️

Alone.

This world feels so alone right now….

“Republican vs. Democrat”

“Black vs. White”

“Gay vs. Straight”

“Man vs. Woman”

All these divisions break my heart….it shouldn’t be this way. It was never meant to be this way. If only we knew how to love our enemies as Jesus loves us….maybe we wouldn’t be here right now. I still struggle with my faith, but it never truly left me.

I want to show the world what it was meant to be like, but I fear that I may never able to do that with my mental health issues….hopefully there will be a way out, somehow. It’s so dark right now, with all these thoughts overshadowing my mind. I have to believe they’re not true, but it’s so difficult. Maybe I can’t change the world, but I can raise my child to be a light in it. I have to be strong for my baby. For my husband. For everyone. It’s going to be difficult, but worth it. It has to be. We can’t keep living like this….we need to thrive, not just survive.

It’s been a while.

Over two years, in fact!! I should probably catch you up on what’s happened since the last time I posted here….the first thing, unfortunately, is that my mother passed in February of 2019. She had a “complicated” case but her stroke was what ultimately killed her. BUT…

Exactly 2 months after her passing I found out that my co-worker (who would eventually become my husband) liked me. We got married on August 29th of this year and now—drumroll, please!— we’re expecting our first child!!!! We just found out two weeks ago, and my first appointment is on November 5th. They should be able to hear the baby’s heartbeat by then since I’m already about 7 weeks along now. I’m so excited!!

The reason I decided to get back on here is so 1.) I can vent, and 2.) Talk about the baby. I am really trying not to worry about what could go wrong, especially since everything seems to be going well right now.

My husband got 2 Oculus Quests the other day, one for him and one for me. I was hoping that being able to join those VR chat spaces with him would get rid of my jealousy, which it did for a little bit. Unfortunately, it came back in full swing yesterday and resulted in me having an anxiety attack. It makes me feel pathetic, but what am I supposed to do about it? (No, seriously….I’d love to know. It’s no fun constantly feeling left out in a room full of people.)

Most people who know me don’t realize that I’m one of those clingy women. I’m not proud of it, but my social anxiety is really bad and it’s hard for me to be left alone with people unless it’s Dustin or someone in my family. I’m so grateful to have someone like Dustin, who is very forgiving…I’m not used to being treated so kindly, which is probably why I thought it was a joke when our co-worker first told me he liked me. Him, putting up with me? No way.

This post is a mess, lol. I just wanted to make a new post here since I haven’t done that in a while. If you actually took the time to read through this, thank you!! Hopefully I’ll start being more active on here again. Good-bye for now!

Wishing on a lonely Star, wondering how I’ve come so far….

Wondering how I am, where the barn became the lamb.

When did it leave, or should I know?

The Star shall lead me, where to go.

Beyond the reaches I go by far.

Wandering on, the nightly Star….

Hello, my deers! 

It’s been a while since I posted here!! Still struggling with writer’s block as usual (will it ever go away?!), but Pinterest has helped me out with that a little bit. It’s a great place to explore if you need a spark of creativity in your life! Also, I might start posting more videos on Youtube soon (just because) but we’ll see how that goes. That’s about it for now…have a great day! ^_^

Reflections of the cosmos are seen

As footprints dig into the ground.

Listening to the sound of silence

As the new year rolls in,

White rain falls

and earthlings vow to win.

Old turns to dust,

And new begins to shine….

Joy and cheer illuminate the room

As we all sing Auld Lang Syne!

Hello, friends!! It feels like a lifetime since I’ve posted anything new here, and it would be so great to start posting again. Unfortunately, I’ve had writer’s block for quite a while so who knows if that will happen?  Right now I’m sitting in the car with my parents and my dog as we ride through the rolling hills of Kentucky. It’s so weird to think that we don’t live here anymore…. About 2 months ago we moved to Ohio and I love our new apartment!! ^_^ It’s definitely bigger than our old one and we are literally right next to their dog park, which is great for Clare! I’ve also become somewhat obsessed with a show called Impractical Jokers, which is odd for me because I don’t generally watch comedy shows like that. We might get to see them live next year, which I’m so excited about!! 

Well, that’s about all for now. God bless! ❤

The Crown We Share. 

Oh,  the Sacred Head that suffered so tremendously for our selfishness and from it. 

He took that punishment we all deserve, even for the most common of sins…. 

How can we be so gluttonous? So self-serving, barely thinking of others? Of HIM? 

He gives Himself so fully to us and we don’t even pay attention to Him! God is all-merciful,  all loving,  but that doesn’t mean we should abuse His love….

“I firmly resolve,  with the help of Your grace, to sin no more.” When we say this we should mean it. We may be tempted to eat that whole box of Oreos or that whole cake by ourselves,  but we should really share those things with people. Satan loves to get us with those seemingly little things but they’re really not that little. Lord knows I still struggle with resisting sweets and other such indulgences but as long as we don’t continue to resist God’s help (especially when we know He’s trying to help us), we can make it  out of these self-destructive mindsets. There is hope for all of us, as long as we cooperate with God’s grace.

When you suffer from scrupulosity, it can be difficult to believe that there is any hope for you. It feels like everything you do can (or will) send you to hell, no matter what. If you’re struggling tonight, here are some quotes from some great saints that may give you hope. They definitely know suffering, so they’re right there with us. 

Happy Easter!! :D

Yes, in the Catholic church it is still Easter right now and will be for the next 45 days! This year I spent the first day of Easter with my family in North Carolina because one of my cousins (Elizabeth) got baptized this year and I was her sponsor! I got to be right up there with her during the actual baptism, which was such a blessing to me. 

She’s on the left and I’m on the right. 

The service was 3-4 hours long but that’s okay. If you really love the church,  you can handle it,  hahaha. In between rehearsal and the actual vigil, Elizabeth took her brother Tyler and I to see the new Beauty And the Beast movie which was AMAZING! I know there’s some controversy about the gay character LeFou, but I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary in the movie,  just the usual gay jokes that you might see with a character like him. I took my parents to see it when I was back home and they loved it too! For having so many well-known faces in it,  the movie turned out surprisingly well! I do wish they had chosen someone not so famous to play Belle, though…. Then again, I’m a bit biased because she is one of my favorite princesses. Oh,  well. 🙂

Have a blessed evening, my deers! 

Hello, my deers!

It’s been a while!  :O

I’ve been so busy with work,  family, and other stuff that I haven’t really thought to post on here! Easter is in a couple of weeks and this year, my grandpa and I will be going down to North Carolina for that weekend to see my cousin Elizabeth get baptized into the Catholic church! I’m so excited because I’m going down there to be her sponsor and I’ve never gotten to to be anyone’s sponsor before!  😀

I’ve kind of jumped back into my faith full throttle since the last time I posted on here….also, although I’m still very much a veg(etari)an, I do occasionally eat meat and dairy now. I’m not super hardcore about it like I was before, but I do still tend to avoid animal products and hate seeing phrases like “ground up turkey/sausage”. Basically, I’ve been trying to find a healthy balance between caring for God’s creation and following the natural order of things, since it does say that we are allowed to eat animals in the Bible and that God gave them to us for consumption. God created everything, so who are we to deny what He says and does? 
I can’t think of anything else to say at the moment, so have a great day,  and God bless! ❤

Strange day! 

OK,  so… I meant to post this yesterday but completely forgot to!  >.<

I went to see Doctor Strange with my family yesterday, and it was amazing!! (Not just because of Benedict either!)

After that,  we went to mass at one of my favorite local churches for the first time in a while.. It is so beautiful. 

I should have gotten a picture….oh well! Have a great day,  my deers! 

Made my first smoothie today! 

Today I made my first smoothie using this recipe I found on Pinterest,  and it was so good!! I veganized it of course, and since I don’t currently have any yogurt sitting in the fridge I improvised with a little bit of peanut butter. I’m hoping to do more of this in the future and maybe try out some of those delicious-looking smoothie bowls I’ve been seeing all over social media lately! ^_^

Hello, deers!  

Oh my goodness, it’s been a while!  😮

Quite a bit has changed since I last posted here…for one thing,  I have a job now. ^_^ Also,  I’m starting to (at least partially) dress in mori girl fashion and absolutely love the site YesStyle now! They have so much cute stuff on there and I just want to buy everything on there,  hehe! 

 Oh yeah,  I am also vegan now… I started in October and it was partially because my cousin Elizabeth went vegan as well. I’d been wanting to do it for a while but was kind of scared of how my family would react, even though I had already been vegetarian for almost 3 years. Elizabeth kind of inspired me to do it because she’s even shyer than I am and if she can do it,  I can as well! It’s actually a lot easier than I thought it would be,  but then again I did do it primarily for ethical reasons. 
Here’s a picture from earlier today.. It is raining and I got to wear my hooded poncho for the first time. It’s so comfy! Have a great day, my deers,  and stay warm! ^_^

(Sorry if this is awkward to read, by the way… I have to get used to doing this again!  >.<)

Late Night Battles

These demons pierce their way through into my sleepy mind….

Screaming mercilessy into my ear for what seems to be eternity.

Whispers of sins past,  threatening to throw away my clean slate.

Cursing and howling in the night!  The nightmares return again.

Don’t they know how strong I’ve become?  They don’t care…. They want it all gone…

Our dignity,  our salvation. What have I done to deserve this?  I wonder.  EVERYTHING!!!! They spit at me. On me

They won’t win again. I’ll make sure of it……

Happy new year!!!!

It’s been a while! My mother has been home from the hospital for a while now, almost a month! She still struggles with certain things, but the good thing is that she was able to come home before Christmas!! 😀 (She was in the hospital during Thanksgiving this last year, and that day just wasn’t the same without her.) We have also finally seen the new Star Wars movie, and actually, we saw it twice. The first time we saw it, we went with my parents’ friends and their children. The second time we saw it, we went with my relatives who were in town. It was amazing and of course, I have fallen for the villain once again. (Don’t ask me why….I hardly understand it myself) I am Kylo/Reylo”trash”, as other fans call themselves. I know it’s weird but there’s just something so fascinating about him and the connection he has with Rey. Unless those two end up being related or something else weird like that, I totally ship it. I love the idea of Rey possibly leading Kylo to the light side because of his love for her!! And…..Adam Driver is already signed up for the next two movies so there’s hope for this ship to become canon! That would be so cool, and it would be the perfect counterpart to what happened between Anakin and Padme!!!! Anyway….we may be seeing the movie again in 3-D this week, and that would be pretty exciting as well. ^_^

I guess that’s it for now…have a great day!!

Hope

Hope…..is the only thing stronger than fear. It’s  what keeps us alive sometimes, in the darkest of ages. Hope is what you need when you have to watch your mother suffer unimaginable pain over and over again….I would give anything to be a nurse right now so I could help her at least a little bit. There has to be a way out of her hellish pain….there has to be.